Oedipus=Gangster Rapper
Jocasta=Valley Girl
Creon=German
Chorus=Surfer Dude
Priest=normal
Teresias=Scottish
Messenger=Southern
Oedipus: Yo! Whats up homeboyz! You're gathered all around. The hood is filled with saddening sounds. Lamentations are sweeping the nation. Speak up now cause I'm losing my patience. Tell me, Tell me, what is being said? Can trust only you, cause you've got cred. The all famous Oedipus is IN THE HOUSE! Hey priest! Old man, I know you're sly and wise. I want to know how everything lies. Speak! Are you here in courage or simply here to cry. If you asked me I would do the same. All you'd have to do is shout out my name.
Priest: Lord Oedipus you have seen the young and old gathered here around the alters. The storm is upon us, my brothers! Our poor country can stand it no more! Pestilence is storming our land. Pestilence. Our crops are dying, and our women can bear us no children. I have seen the blight, my brothers! We know you are only homan Lord Oedipus. You who killed the sphinx, you have become our hero. you have been touched, touched, by God. Let us rejoice, my brothers! Let us pray, Lord Oedipus! Let us pray for all of our children. Come, man amoung boys, our saviour, and bring us to the promise land!
Oedipus: Yeah, I know what your sayin. I dig it. I feel for my entire Thebian posse. I'm on the situation. I've got it handled real well. I asked my bro-in-law Creon to check out the Pythian shrine and ask Phoebus, "What's up? What do I have to do, to save brothers in the hood?"
Priest: What words. What words! You speak the truth, wise Lord Oedipus. Look yonder; my brothers. Creon approaches. Like Moses through the red sea. Surely he brings news that will liberate us from this oppression.
Oedipus: Man, look at the smile on that dog's face. He's got the truth. He's got the solution straight from Apollo.
Priest: He's seen the light. He's heard the word. He brings us glorious enlightenment. For his face shows no dismay. Just the glory of God
Oedipus: We can stop thinkin and speculating, you know? He's within shouting distance. He can tell us straight up. Shoot man, what's going on with Phoebus?
Creon: I'zz bringz ou goodz newzz. All newzzz is good newzz desvite howv bcvad it ight seem at virst.
Oedipus: Yeah. You know the way you say that has me pumped, but I don't exactly need a change of underwear. What's up with God?
Creon: Itz a vit crowvded hier. I canz tell zou hier or in priwvat if zou feel like it.
Oedipus: Yo! It's everyone's problem. Speak up, foo!
Creon: Ziz is vhhat Phoevus said; hier in zis city of Zebees zere vas a bad vincident. Be must destroy zis eevell.
Oedipus: What misfortune are ya jivin about? Y'all is mad stupid.
Creon: Zere must be a banishment. Ze eye for ze eye. Tiz ze murder zwhat put misforune on Thebes.
Oedipus: Blood fo' what blood. Who wuz ganked?
Creon: Zere vas a former vruler before zyou. Laius.
Oedipus: Ah hear o' him but ah haven't seen him, Ya' dig?
Creon: Ze man died and vApollo saiz zat ve msut punish ze merdirers vic wengeance.
Oedipus: It'll be hard ta find da murderer since he ganked so long ago, Jus' like my man OJ. Where can we's find him?
Creon: Zere in Zebes said Phoebus. Ve must look in zorfer to findz im.
Oedipus: Novody seen anythin'? Nobody jet wiff him? Nobody has 411?
All zof ze men zat vent vith him, were killed. One who deen't die came back and zed zat e saw nothing. He knew vone zing onlee.
Oedipus: What one thing? Tell me. We's need ta know every info.
Creon: Ze king vas killed by a group of ze robbers.
Oedipus: What other then money brought da robbers, how could dis here come from Thebes?
Creon: Zere have been some zoughts about zzat. Hovewer, zere iz no vinformation.
Oedipus: What do ya mean nobod knows anythin'. It wuz da king who died.
Creon: Ze kinsg died while ze sphinx came to ze city that wuz no time.
Oedipus: Then I will clear up dis here matter and deliver the murderer on a platter. This affair is bad for Thebe's health, so i will solve this for myself. Up now my homies, no delay! If you want to help Oedipus, then do as I say. Gettin' Jiggy with it—na, na, na, na, na, na, na!
Priest: We have heard the word from Lord Oedipus, Let us go my brothers and sisters. Gether your children for this is the day the lord has made. King Oedipus has answered our woes and our sorrows. Apollo has stopped the prophecy to stop this blag and keep back the devil.
Chorus: Zeus. Hey man, talk to me bro. I'm, like, real eager, and scared of you dude. I think I just peed in my trunks cause of your sheer awesomeness. What kind of a problem are you giving us here? Am I going to have to, like, do some work to sort this thing out? Did someone rip you off in ancient times and now we're getting nailed for it? If so it's not my problemo, but I'll do my best to fix whats wrong.
Chorus: Tell me your secret, Pracle of gnarlyness, Daughter of golden hope. First I call o your babalicious daughter Athen, and then her badass yet equally babalicious sis Artemis. Oh yeah! Apollo, I guess I call on you too. Even though I hear your more of an arrow shooting guy than a surfer like myself. It would be really cool if all three of you would appear now cause I hear you guys used to bust in in Ancient times and make everything better. Could we like have a deja-vu thing happen now? I don't think anyone can even appreciate just how bad I feel. Ifeel sad to the infinity plus one. I see my fellow dudes and dudettes and they are just fellin the burn bigtime, yet I can't don anything about it. ust the other day my friend was telling me how he and his girl were trying to, you know, make babies. It just wouldn't happen. He was really embarressed. I think he needs viagra. The furit aint growing either, but even worse, the waves just aren't flowing. These problems are just too much for me to handle. The city is dying. The bodies are laying around, decomposing and spreading really unrighteous diseases. I think I stepped in something the other day. It was really gross. People are acting like jerks too. They cry for themselves no those who died. goden one, send us your daugher to save us. No offense. your cool but I hear she's even hotter than those baywatch girls. Hey man, it would be the coolest if you could send off this plague and pestilence thing. It's like that very unrighteous War-God has invaded. Scare him away from are village. Far away would be cool, like maybe the sea palace of Amphritite which is by the Thracoam sea. I hear they have some wicked waves there. There you could use your really impressive lightning powers to wipe him out. I mean, he isn't cutting us any slack why should you. You could tame him hands down, Zeus. I hear Bacchus is a party animal. Maybe he could come and we could rejoice and have some good times after you've gotten rid of this plague thing for us.
Oedipus-On your knees and bring out the rap. If you give me the goods I'll give you the happy pills. The word is missin and the G can't be found. Does any homes in the hood know the word of the street. The brotha who hit the inna conme out and the whip go 22 on yo. Why yo homies keepin the word down. If you keepin your brotha or yo self in yo car then I gonna bring it on. The brotha who done the deed is posse out. Yo people no way give him the goods. This brotha is bringin fire to da hood so the rat Phoebus tells me. I take the battle to my brothas for the boy down and retribution should be dealed to da problemo at hand. If this brotha is in my crib, than take me out. For the sake of you and your hood observe this ban. It's all up that we are lookin for this jimmy. I will for the children, his wife, him and myself find the brotha who did the deed and avenge Laius' death. If a brotha steps in my way let his children pay. The homes in Thebes make my will your own and bring righteousness to yo.
Chorus-Yo dude, who knows the killer man. Let's ask the miracle dude.
Oedipus-Is there a brotha in the house who can bring the Priest down on the god's goods.
Chorus-I think the second best is ahhh...if the word is mine.
Oedipus-If there be a third best show him.
Chorus-The dude Tierisias can see higher than any wave or any dude named Teirisias.
Oedipus-I doin my job. I sent da brotha Creon to find Teirisias. Why is he not here yet.
Chorus-Yo narly dude, your words means less then sand.
Oedipus-It no more dan words.
Chorus-He hit the sand by the unkown wave of the sea.
Oedipus-No brothas saw the homes who killed him.
Chorus-If he's afraid the dude will not talk.
Oedipus-Da word frightens the G.
Chorus-Does the narliest dude of all know the killer. Only the wise dude knows.
Oedipus-Yo Teriisias. Yo all up with your goods. You know da five in da hood is bad down. You will sop this if yo tell us who da G is. We need ya help homes.
Teresias-Aye, boy. It's saf when my lades are dumb in the noggin.
Oedipus-Wuz up with yo.
Teresias-Let me be ya stupid macka. It'll be the better for us both. Oedipus-Yo don't like us brotha. It wounds like ya don't like Thebes.
Teresias-You hit yourself with those words more than the back of my hand.
Oedipus-If yo know don't leave brotha.
Teresias-I'll tell ya nothin ya stupid mackas.
Oedipus-Ya know and will not share brotha. This will ruin Thebes homes.
Teresias-I spare us both. Don question me cause tell you anyway.
Oedipus-Yo messed up.
Teresias-Shut your moth boy. Your doin a dilly with the wrong filly.
Oedipus-I can be angry if I want to brotha. Your the only homes who can give the best answer.
Teresias-I don't say a thing, even though it will all come.
Oedipus-More reason to give me the goods homes.
Teresias-Shut up boy. Rip ma bloody heart out, but I won't say a thing.
Oedipus-I will homes because yo did it foo.
Teresias-You stupid macka. You are doing this to Thebes.
Oedipus-Yo straight up bold. You say this and still live.
Teresias-I'm safe because I know the truth.
Oedipus-Yo don't have truth homes.
Teresias-Shut your mouth. I said the truth.
Oedipus-Waz up homes. Give me the goods again.
Teresias-You did it boy.
Oedipus-Yo gonna pay fo that.
Teresias-I'll go on. I need not hurt You me lad, but Apollo can.
Oedipus-Creon-a brotha hurtin a brotha.Teresiad-No me lad it is yourself.
Oedipus-Da wealth, da kinship da wit that conjurers in life's rivalry o skill sho'nuff. What hate, what envy come wiff ya. Da system wuz uh gift given to me by Thebes, uh gift unwanted. Creon me old brotha who can now plot mah overthrow, can creep and scheme an set on me dis here tricken fraud, dis quack. Dis here spinally conjurer-quick to spy, ill gam, but blind in prophecy...Arrg where have you got the goods. where. When dat clown wuz up and a riddlin. Why were yo in da grave. Not a word to give blessin to da people. Yet I with no goods from da sky hit da truth in silence. You betta believe yo plotta will not find you gots the look a age cuz baby, street killin pays. Chorus-We think the wave gave the word man. We need not this wasteful sand. Only the wave an give us what we need.
Teresias-Though ya are respected my lad ya still gotta answer to me because I am not any man's slave but the salve a Loxias. I speak then. You know nothin ya stupid macka. The sickness in the village, does anyone know who this macka is. Only a father's pitchfork and a mother's stale bread should drive one forward ya stupid macka. Ya nud ta see everything. The truth shall reveal da death of ya bride. Ya don't know what ya dealin with. Ya can blame Creon and ya can blame me young lad, but ya are the fool.
Oedipus-Leave my crib brotha.
Teresias-I only came when ya sent for me lad.
Oedipus-I should not have called you homes.
Teresias-So you say. Your a fool but your parents are smart.
Oedipus-Who are my parents brotha.
Teresias-This day is going to kill you.
Oedipus-I am not all up with these riddles homes.
Teresias-You can't read riddles.
Oedipus-I'm jimmy up with riddles.
Teresias-You have bad luck.
Oedipus-I saved Thebes and I am not up with nothing else.
Teresias-I'm leaving. Come show me the way laddy.
Oedipus-Get out of the hood brotha. You bring fire to the homes.
Teresias-I'll leave and you can't hurt me. The man who murdered Laius and has made threats to find the murderer is the same person. This man has a mother as a wife and killed his father.